Die Antwoord News

 If Die Antwoord is fake, it means that Oliver Tambo Airport, the whole of the USA and all the people that saw them there and touched them are fake as well. Even the little guy that tried to Fingerbang Yo-Landi Vi$$er. We did an interview with Die Antwoord and it took fuckin long, because it is impossible to fake all those photos on a PC computer. I don’t know how America is gonna hide Coachella next month, because it is kinda fuckin difficult to fake such a place. It is like Area 51 where the aliens fucked humans and then flew back to Brakpan.

So if you wanna know what is truly fake, just listen next time very carefully when you are fucking your girlfriend and she starts screaming and moaning over how big your dick is and how she is enjoying being fucked by you.

That is fake ….

griff: So why does Die Antwoord not grant interviews to other people? Is Watkykjy the only guys that fight clean on your level?

Die Antwoord: We do do interviews sometimes. We did one with Die Huisgenoot magazine and next week we’re doing one with Dazed & Confused.

griff: Die Huisgenoot must be rich after that interview. I think they will be able to buy mousepads for their staff now. Thats very nice of you huys. Speaking of media and such shit – who has been the biggest cunt with you so far?

Die Antwoord: Nobody, man. Everyone fucking loves us. Everybody knows Die Antwoord is the fuckin’ answer.

griff: So exactly how fuckin gangsta was the overseas? Jissis, that Merc looks dagnerous. Die you go drag racing or dit you like get a dude in a black suit that drove you around?

Die Antwoord: Die overseas pumped off its face! Everything for fucking free! They flew us over in business class, where you get a warm cloth for the crusties in your ass, and you fly in a fucking bed with a TV and free booze. In Americam the customs police recognised us and asked us for our autograph. Outside the aiport a dude with a black suit waited for us with a sign board that read “DIE FOKKEN ANTWOORD”. The whole time we were shauffered around in black GMC tanks that were bigger than Koos Kombuis se ma se poes. We lounged in 5 star Hollywood and NYC hotels and ate at larney restaurants every single fuckin day. Ninja asked the people to please get him Songebob Square pant underpants.

The next day, a guy arrived at our hotelroom in a fuckin huge Spongebob Squarepants suit. He gave us: Sponge Bob Squarepant t-shirts, Sponge Bob Squarepant colouring books, Sponge Bob Squarepant juice bottle, Sponge Bob Squarepant pillows, Sponge Bob Squarepant soft-toys, plus Mr Crabs soft toy, Sponge Bob Squarepant keyrings , n Sponge Bob Squarepant dude on a skate-board that ollies over a boulder, Sponge Bob Squarepant facecloths, Sponge Bob Squarepant coffee mugs, Sponge Bob Squarepant wallet, Sponge Bob Squarepant’s Pineapple under the sea house on a broach, Sponge Bob Squarepant photo frame, Sponge Bob Squarepant koki pens,Sponge Bob Squarepant bubble whistle, n Sponge Bob Squarepant pantie for Yo-landi……. Sponge Bob Squarepant fuckin everything! Plus a Sponge Bob Squarepant DVD boks set with 100 episodes! But they didn’t get ninja the Spongebob Squarepants underpants.

5griff: I think, from now on we can call Yo-Landi’s panty a Spunge Bob Squarepanty. Be careful for things not to go all square down there in her undercarriage. It can get nasty. And uncomfortable. It is damn diccicult to clean around corners like that. Which heavy Hollywood fancy people did you guys meet on your little trip? Any favourites?

Die Antwoord: David Lynch.

griff: He is that Twin Peaks dude, isn’t it. That’s heavy Hollywood vibes for you. Which othe cool friends did you make there? Did you play any quick & dirty secret gigs? Someone mentioned something about poeple who went apeshit in their own puke in LA?

Die Antwoord: Yes, we pulled into the one party in Hollywood called Cinespace and everyone totally fucked out. The owner haphazardly organised a VIP corner with some rope plus he gave us a mig metal bucket loaded with ice and free booze. One guy sneaked underneath the rope section and tried to fingerbang Yo-Landi. Three huge black bouncers carried the guy out, like just almost too late. Yo-Landi got a little scared and the dude in the black suit took her back to the hotel in the fuckin big GMC. The DJ by at the club forced Ninja to rap over the techno rave music. As he starting throwing his rap, a huge fukcin mega zef rave mosh broke out. That is when someone puked and everybody moshed in the puke.

griff: Jesus, now I need to go flush my brain. Too many ugly images. Sis! Fuck! You bought some cool digs. I was fuckin jealous when I saw all the Ren & Stimpy shirts, becasue a friend once bought me Ren & Stimpy plush toys on a trip to NY. Jesus. What other cool shit did you buy?

Die Antwoord: We bought fuckall, my friend! Everything was for fuckin free because everyone wanted to be our friends. I will fil all the shit that we got and put it up on our interwebsite. Wait and see, you fuck.

griff: Jesus. Everything foor free. I think I will still sort of like your music, but I am starting to dig you less and less as people, but its probably just jealousy. Everything for free… Jesus. My girlfriend was just telling me now that I am a jealous poes.Seems like she stille likes you guys. Are you guys like fuckin rich now or what? Do you have more moeny than that gwar, Kurt Darren?

Die Antwoord: We definately have cooler t-shirts than Kurt Darren.

griff: Well, you are not really allowed to use terms such as “cool” and “Kurt Darren” in the same sentence. Apparently it gives you piles. What are your plans for overseas tours? Where do you start, which venues will you perform at and can my girlfriend and I join you? We haven’t been to the USA yet. Please man, help a brother out.

Die Antwoord: We’re playing a festival in LA called Coachella in mid-April. then we plan a poes big world tour after that which will kick off in Cape Town. Maybe you and your girlfriend can be naked back-up dancers in cages on both sides of the stage. We can get those purple flourescent lights to hang from the cages’ ceilings and you can rub pink neon glow-in-the-dark rave paint all over yourself while you dance.

griff: No, my dick is too small for that, but by girlfriend has nice tits. Maybe she will do it… Jeus, Coachella is fuckin cool! VFor the American zeflings – there is your fuckin answer. You fuckers ahve 2 weeks before Yo-Landi & Ninja comes to kick your ears broken and bleeding with their next level beats. Bacause they love you. What about the Nettherlands? Does it happen after the Cape Town stuff? Those Cheeseheads are hungry for you guys. Everybody just wants to feed you look-around-grass.

Die Antwoord: Yes, we will definately swing by the Cheeseheads. Yo-landi loves chees and Ninja wants to smoke some whacky tabacy and take a leisurely stroll through the red light district. Not to go check out any weird activities, more to be culturally clued-up te for in case it somehow pops up during a dinner conversation at the table.

griff: Why haven’t I received any new tunes you wrote about the overseas in my inbox yet?

Die Antwoord: We are making 3 new boner tracks for our $O$ album currently. Today we were busy with a new hit called “FOK JOU!”. It is very immature.

griff: Nice, becasue “Jou ma se poes in a fishpasate jar” was kinda very mature. You rap about someone’s mother’s birth channel and what not. God, that $o$ album already has poesloads of trakc tracks. You will have to cut it to Blues Raids or some shit. When the fuck can we expect the new CD’s DVD’s and Ninja & Yo-Landi blow-up dolss to hits the market? There are poesloads of people with buring pockets.

Die Antwoord: Fuck man, we know! It just takes so fucking long to “synchronise” a fuckin international release. We don’t really know wat it means, but it is making us fuckin horny!!!! The ablum is gonna be fuckin special, so don’t worry, hang in there, you won’t be sorry for long!

griff: You guys musn’t drop me in the shit hey? – you remember last year that you promised that you guys and the wedding DJ’s would perform at our wedding? I will give you the date later. Its gonna be a very secret affair and only cool buddies are allowed.

Die Antwoord: You fuckin know we’ll be there, my friend! But what is your mom gonna say when we drop ‘JOU MA SE POES IN N FISH PASTE JAR’

griff: I played it to her once, but I lied to her. I told her it was all about DJ Hi-Tec’s granny, but know I feel bad about it.I will have to tell her the truth. Or maybe ask her to move the irrigation while you guys quickly do that song. While we’re on the Wedding DJ’s subject – where did you find those evry pretty shirts you gave to them as presents? Chopper was fighting very hard to hold the tears back. I know SD3000 went to the ladies toilets and jerked off, becasue when he came back he had some man batter on his collar. I had to wipe it off with a serviette.

Die Antwoord: Those shirts are fuckin up there! There are only two of those in the whole world, so SD3000 mustn’t mess on his shirt like that. If he fucks it up now, he can never ever get a nwe one again.

griff: O yes, the 2 poes heavy gigs at Alexander Theatre. Jesus, it was fucking crazy! Which was your favourite part?

Die Antwoord: The coolest thing was our bodyguard, Saki. You know those two movies Rambo and Commando? One day I am going to make a next-fuckin level zef action movie called “SAKI” Saki is the most hardcore person that I have ever met in my whole life. I whish I could tell you the stories that he told us, but those are all top secret special forces shit.

griff: Yes, I’ve heard of this guys. I never ever want to look for shit with him.

Die Antwoord: Yes that Saki is defninately the wrong ninja to fuck with!

griff: When can the people expect to check out some of your video vibes from the overseas?

Die Antwoord: Next week. Yo-landi just needs to do her hair first.

griff: When do you start working on you move, The Answer and are you still gonna work with Neill Blomkamp?

Die Antwoord: We are working on the script. We are getting loads of cash from a couple of movie companies in the USA to produce the movie. Neill Blomkamp is poes busy with a movie of his own currently, so the music video that he is gonna make for Die Antwoord will only happen later in the year.

griff: Are you gonna shoot the music video in the overseas?

Die Antwoord: We are not allowed to talk about it. We signed a piece of paper that says we mat never ever talk about it. Neill is very strict. He also speaks fluent Xhosa. He is fuckin amazing!

griff: It sounds like that piece of paper that I had to sign with you guys. I am fleunt in talking absolute shit, but you know that already. Do people who know you now treat you differently? Are there like friends that now want shit from you? Did Yo-Landi’s granny ask you guys to buy her a Toyota Hybrid?

Die Antwoord: Everyone fuckin loves us. They just want to take photos with us on their cellphones the whole time. Yo-land’s granny died yesterday.

griff: Shit, so where is Yo-Landi gonna live now that her granny is dead? That is shitty news. Soryy. What did DJ Hi-Tek do all the time while you guys were in the overseas?

Die Antwoord: He stayed at home becasue he is fuckin scared of flying, but we got him a flippen cool present, hey. My friend Jimmy from the overseas gave me a Dr Dre PC Computer and “Beat by Dre” headphones for free. So we gave those babies to DJ Hi-Tek. When he saw the Dr Dre PC Computer, he started crying and gave me a hug. He said it was the best thing ever in his whole life. DJ Hi-Tek’s granny also started crying.

griff: He will now probably think twice before running away again. O yeas, pleas ask DJ Hi-Tek to give you back my Ghostbusters lunchbox.

He stole it from my car that one time when I dropped him off at the station. I don’t think he did it on purpose. It is actually my little nephews lunchbox and he get very teary eyed when someone mentions it. Did you guys see how a whole fuckin lot of people are doing remixes of your tunes and poump it out on Youtube? Would you guys consider making a free track that would give fans the opportunity to make their own remixes? Like make something that is heavy remix friendly?

Die Antwoord: Yes, defnitely. WILL.I.AM wanted te remix our whole album but we said no.

griff: What can the zeflings expect from you guys in the next two weeks before you go fuck Coachella on fire?

Die Antwoord: There are a couple of small, cool zef surprizes or two in the slime bunny. Wait and see, you fuck!

Interview and translation: Griff - wat kyk jy